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Lionel and Jean
Phryne and Jack
Westley and Buttercup

Who do you espouse for relationship ideals?


Oct. 12th, 2017 12:18 pm
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Flip Flop guy is no more. He ghosted more than a week ago, and I called him on it (politely), which I needed for my sake. He responded politely (which I suspect is bullshit, but a half point because he wasn't a jackass) (only a half point because he took until calling-out to do anything).

Then, Hurricane Nate messed with my weekend plans and caused an important SCA event to be rescheduled...which is causing me to miss other social plans. It's really came down to: yes, there will be other SCA events, but there's only this once chance to see my friend receive this particular honor. It won't happen again, and I'm part of the ceremony. So, thanks to my incredible gracious and understanding local friends, I'm going to the rescheduled event.

But right now? MEH. I'm incredibly resentful that my energy this week has been spent on this event- reassuring people involved, finishing things others didn't, cat-herding, and generally NOT getting to be the lazy bum I really wanted to be this week. Or working on my own crafts.

Lesson planning has been in there somewhere, too. And, y'all, the things I have to do to make it work with the traveling. Sigh.

Will I have fun? Yes. And, all in all, this is good: the rescheduled location is 2 hours closer and the site is $10 cheaper. But I'm emotionally tired right now. (Not emotionally exhausted, and I a man pleased that I can sense the difference.)

My friend who is being honored is one of the ones needing all this buoying up, and she was expressing frustration (people she'd paid to do certain things for the event on its original schedule, and still hadn't done it as of this week! 😧), and was mentioning that some of these folks are people she'd made things for, and now that she's being elevated, they don't seem to be able to be bothered to do anything, and it makes her feel that she doesn't matter. (And I don't resent buoying her, as I've seen firsthand what she's talking about. It's one of the reasons she started a women's only household for us in the SCA-- to support each other when others won't.). That's a variation of what I'm feeling right now. Good, but not good enough.

My weight's also been stalled for a while, so I feel flabby, fat, and lazy (you walked in and oops a daisy-- sorry, couldn't help the Disney).

I've been sad about missing other SCA events in August and September, so I still feel I'm making the right decision to go, but I can't help wishing that...well, we all had a little more control over our lives!!!
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Dear Granea,
Rosh Hashanah begins this evening. Whether or not you observe Jewish holidays, we can all use plenty of opportunities for new beginnings.

For observant Jews, the New Year begins a period of 10 days of looking at one's life, casting off mistakes, choosing where to pursue reconciliation, and planning changes going forward.

If you are out of sorts with yourself or your body, how about considering a reconciliation? So many of us unconsciously treat our bodies as enemies to be fought and subdued!

As some of us now wish each other a good and sweet year, I wish you a good and sweet relationship with your precious body! Treat it today to some sweet movement.

Janet Mather Move More, More Often
Copyright 2017
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Self Care for this weekend so far has meant: choosing to sleep in my own bed, buying slightly too many groceries (note to self, get three weeks of dinner out of this), treating myself to a salad from One and Only BBQ, watching project runway on the roku, and doing chores at an incredibly slow pace.

Just enough that stuff is getting done. There's a loaf of low carb bread in the bread machine. I'm about to take the trash out, then go to the cvs for the Allegra I forgot this morning. Grab some stupid movies that I wouldn't otherwise pay for, but kinda want to see from Redbox. Maybe do a load of laundry. Maybe take a Nap. That sort of thing.
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Didn't get to yoga on the first or second day of school, it I did today. Hero's pose eludes me. It seems achievable only by the gumby-like bodies of toddlers. 40 minutes of flexibility training.

I'm cautiously feeling okay about my classes. My students seem intrigued by what we are doing. (My home room, meh.). If I can just get a handle on the schedule and the traveling, I think it will be okay.

In other news, there is maybe an OKCupid candidate on the horizon. He's an ER nurse and works 12s, and has his kids every other weekend, so it works well with my "don't do too much" nerves. He did send a pretty strong signal on the second date that he'd like to jump over several usual marker points (milestones? Hurdles?). I'm not sure I'm there yet.
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Today, I:

-got up at 5 and did my three miles
-attended inservice all day
-came home and loaded school stuff into the car
-swept my downstairs (crepe myrtles be cursed!)
-fixed my SCA device form and put it in the mail
-did my yoga
-ate dinner; made my lunch.

Must remember tomorrow is an 8am day, not 8:30.
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Yesterday was a bit of a frenzy!

I made a loaf of low carb bread, 12 hb eggs in the IP, salmon in the IP, made salmon salad with all that and some of the farm share veg. Ran the dishwasher, and later that night made two kinds of fat bombs (dark chocolate & nut and blackberry coconut).

I used some stevia sweetened almond butter I got in the July KetoKrate, and let me just say, I fucking HATE stevia. It tastes Soooooo Nasty. But I also hate waste, so into the fat bombs it went. They still have the nasty aftertaste, but I like dark chocolate enough that I think I'll eat them.

Today, I have lunch with dad, then a goal of more belly dance DVD practice, so I guess I'd better get to treadmilling now!
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-installed various sensors for security system
-figured out how to make it stop beeping
-swept the back patio
-installed "monitored by..." signs
-warped loom for a new piece
-checked school email; posted on teacher FB
-got alarm activated
-made casserole: oven roasted veggies, then mixed with smoked sausage and cheese, baked for thirty at 350°
-figured out some art stuff won't work, but came up with a solution
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This morning I got up and:
-ordered a home security system
-took care of my alarm system permit with the city
-made baseball plans with dad
-made lunch plans with mom
-contacted the university HR department about tracking down my retirement account with them
-ordered a few small things off Amazon (thread to finish a baby project, skinny blonde hair elastics which are impossible to find in stores, a side sleeper pillow, and a thermacare wrap)
-shared some school materials with a new colleague (which produces severe imposter syndrome)
-balanced my checking account with YNAB.

That may be enough. I think the rest of today will be crafts, chores-I-want-to-do, and either watching Castlevania or Star Trek.

But tomorrow, we HAVE to switch the closets, Precious. We HAVE to.
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Yesterday, I prepped and froze some eggplant, treadmilled, then washed a little laundry, but the main feature was a late afternoon burst of activity (post-yoga---- connection?):

Finished the woven straps for a wool bag for myself (a rarity)
Made & downloaded a playlist of songs we've been discussing for a tribal BD workshop in August
Patterned and sewed the wool outer layer for a Viking hood for an SCA swap
Started on the linen inner lining for same
Finally sewed the straps on the wool bag and then the linen lining into the bag
Folded a ton of linens I'd washed, dried, and thrown on the loveseat
Hung up a bunch of clothes, I'd washed, dried, folded, and left out
Hung up some new clothes I got in a 'buy 1 get 3' sale

However, I didn't sleep well. And I jerked awake this morning to the realization that I think I left something by my car Friday (I can't be sure...it's sort of a vague recollection, and maybe it's a weird dream? IDK.) and never dealt with it.

Today, I need to unload the dishwasher, maaaaybe do some baking, pack a bag to visit my sister, do another load of laundry (mostly underthings), and go by my parents' house either before or after a bday party. I have no idea how homemakers do it.
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Sometimes, you just want some carrot and celery, and a peanut almond butter low carb wrap for dinner.

I've probably not accomplished as much this week as I should have-- some trash was tossed, some straightening up was done, etc. Today, I spent two hours on the backyard, and then I boxed up some books and some VHS tapes for donation. Now, I'm about to cull my yarn stash and see what I just don't need. It's all very golden rule.

Today was also "rest day" (yardwork notwithstanding) so no yoga, dance, or treadmill. Tomorrow, I'm thinking treadmill and a dance DVD.
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And kept the room temp below 72°. Now, if the overall summer goes up, I'll adjust the main thermostat, but it looks good for not costing me too much.

I did tuck the bed into the corner of the room, and I don't think I like that aesthetic. I feel it looks juvenile, and that the more adult look would have the bed approachable from both sides (even if it doesn't get used that way much). So, moving the bed one more time is probably in the works. Luckily, it's on casters, and shouldn't be too much of a PITA.

I also have not switched the closet yet. I was using both in the big bedroom, and plan to keep the work & formal clothes where they are. The casuals will be switched with the crafting closet, and I expect another purge will be done, then, too. However, I'm not attempting that until after the Fourth.

Today, I've made keto blondies, keto BLT dip, regular cookies, and assembled (dry) the recipe for almond flour cheddar biscuits. Three family assemblages in three days, here we come. Not bothered with yet-- a pie.
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Okay-- all the furniture is where it should be, but it looks like a bomb went off.

Also, I hate this house and everything is disgusting. I threw away a great deal of stuff which was good, but just got revolted by the accumulated dust. Old construction, unsealed windows, bad housekeeping (that one is on me).

Tomorrow, I get to clean MORE and switch wall pictures and things. It's a good thing that I did this, I know. After I got all the stuff into the bigger room, I was "how did I live with all that crammed in the other?" But at the same time, I feel like a bum who can't get past living like a college student or something.

In the words of the children: FML.
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Got the move free joint vitamins; got the cookies mailed off. Also, got my friend married, and shenanigans (presents) achieved. A bright spot was going out to do an Escape Room with some gfs. Yaasss!

Today, I went to Target and got some new firm pillows to replace the poor schlubby ones I've abused. I also got a backdoor mat, and two little mat sized rugs for just inside each door (to catch dirt, etc.). Lastly, I got some curtain blackout liners and colored sheers for the plan to switch the bedrooms.

Tomorrow, I start cleaning and ourging the bedroom. This includes getting rid of stuff for donations. I'm hoping that maybe I can be ready to move furniture on Wednesday.
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Today, I:

-stalked the mail lady about a missing subscription box. Again.
-filed a return claim with the shipper
-walked only two miles
-mailed birthday/first apt care pkg to my kid
-dropped off slingbacks to get new heelcaps
-updated card info at library
-went to cvs and bought a ton of cold meds; forgot joint vitamins
-went to grocery store and bought a ton of groceries (truly. It's like I become a food hoarder.)
-made cookies (dough) for a friend

Tomorrow, I need to go get that Move Free (joint vitamins).
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Today, I:

-made yogurt
-made low carb bread
-moved an on-loan plant rack to the patio, arranged plants on it, swept decking
-stalked the mail lady about a missing subscription box
-walked my three miles
-made zoodles and marinara for dinner
-folded two loads of laundry (Haha, didn't put them away. Baby steps.)

Tomorrow, I need to go to the store for eggs, to CVS for Move Free (joint vitamins), and the post office to mail a package.
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Three rolls fancy wrapping paper
Workout pants
Crochet sweater
Hair brush
Trifold wallet
Basic black tank
Two new bras (in a new size; thanks, weird body)

Sadly, there was now love at DSW, and no purses were found either. On the upside, spent very little (except for the bras, damnit).
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Well, through a weird happenstance, I rant into my boss person yesterday, and learned that he'd run into my soon-to-be boss person and had learned from her the rough outline of my schedule for next year.

She's planning on using me in the morning, not the afternoon, so that means I won't have my beloved Level 2 class next year when I'm at my original school.

See, originally, we had thought she would use me in the afternoons, and I'd keep my Level 2s in the morning, then travel to the new school and see my new Level 1s. But, she is adopting block scheduling (Ugh), and needs me in the morning.

That means my original boss person has hired a new teacher, and she gets my Level 2 classes, and I get a handful of odds and ends in the afternoon. Yeah, I'm a bit thrown, and yeah, I am a bit resentful. But, I also recognize it's nothing I have control over. I just didn't expect that the transition would happen so soon, and that it would make me feel like I'm being pushed out instead of transitioning out.

I mean, I signed on for this, but knew I'd be working at this school for a few more years until the new school has a full load for me.

So, I think what I'm saying is that I've just learned my position in the heirarchy of teachers at that school has been decimated, and I'm at a loss as to where I do fit, new school or old. I applied for this new position to stop being a second fiddle, and now I feel like I might be a third fiddle or even an alternate.

It sucks.
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What if I switched my bedroom from the larger master, to the smaller bedroom?

Would it shift the emphasis of the bedroom to just sleeping? Would it give me the space I'm craving for crafts, sewing, computing, and have the loveseat sleeper for guests?

Food for thought.
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Watching "He's just not that into You" is painful, on levels of truth, bad acting, and how did I find myself watching this? (Oh, yeah: housesitting + entropy + introversion.)

We did buy the book when I was working at the boarding school, and made the girls read it. I doubt any of it sunk in. I remember being fascinated by the chapter that dealt with a three date...what do you want to call it? --test/rule/guideline. That if your date had not indicated that they were attracted to you physically by date three, y'all should both cut loose.

Mm. I agree. I really do. But I also struggle with not gaslighting myself, as being single for so long means I know how to be happy on my own. So, then known comfort wars with unknown discomfort.


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